Height Adjustment Coffee Table

FILM:" Today You Die "

"Today You Die" Original Title: Today You Die Country: USA Year: 2005 Genre: Action Director: Don E. Faunt LeRoy Starring: Steven Seagal , Anthony 'Treach' Criss, Sarah Buxton, Mari Morrow, Nick Mancuso, Robert Miano, Kevin Tighe, Jamie McShane, Lawrence Turner, Brett Rice, Lance Jonathan Mancuso, Chloe Moretz Rating:

OCOG s comment:

What bashfully runs in the night program, and to Steven Seagal in the lead role can advertises, a certain sense, have no level. Too much should we therefore Today The You do not expect, but even then the fun content of the film questionable.

Harlan Banks (a very wide in the previous Steven Seagal) is hired as a driver in an armored car, to his surprise ending in a robbery. Harlan as the supposed bad guy is a life sentence thrown into high security prison, where he immediately contacted the cliché black prison inmates Ice Cool (Anthony "Treach" Criss) befriends him assist you with the jailbreak. Harlan therefore set out to redeem his vest and to take revenge on the real villains. In this case it are still a bunch of gangsters on the heels of those who believe, Harlan knew where the money is now missing.

In Steven Seagal's eternal leather coats swell the pounds, so that it looks more like a ridiculous stuffed into a straitjacket, fairly stiff fight sausage and, accordingly, wooden stomping through the area. That it is used a double, in most scenes, makes things any better or worse. Seriously one can take neither Steven "the man with exactly one facial expression" Seagal nor his rear view double.

indicated the rudimentary, chaotic action can be followed only with difficulty. After a primitive for movies of this style still passable chase at the beginning is changing Today You Die to an absolutely intolerable in a prison film became too long middle section, which will so miss not a cliché. The prison inmates have nothing better to do than to hear hip-hop, muscle-bound upper body squeeze in too tight vests and commit constantly meaningless stabbings, which of course never watching a guard and therefore remain without consequences. Equally uninspiring is the jailbreak of Harlan and Ice Cool by helicopter and the subsequent final which is scarcely recognize it as such.

The silly dreams of Harlan redundant friend, who will create a mystical connection to Harlan's throw situation, with cheaper Symbolism around, never to be discussed in more detail and for that reason alone is a non-starter.

The logic remains at Today You Die, which also provided recycled, but also many scenes from other movies, completely on the track. Although our two "heroes" have broken out of prison, no one cares. They are neither sought nor prosecuted, but provide the only shoot-outs with bad guys, which consist of the evil money robbers and a cliché-cluttered Chinese course. can come over

The fact that neither power nor passable action is logical. Thus Today You Die is actually only hardcore fans of Steven Seagal (Is there such a thing anyway?) Recommended, and even then really only for completeness. This film has not even cucumber Trash qualities.

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FILM:" Tender Heart Condition "

"Tender Heart Condition" Country: Germany Year: 1987 Genre: comedy Director: Franz Josef Gottlieb Actor: Michael Winslow, Thomas Gottschalk, Helmut Fischer, Pierre Brice, Jean-Marie Pfaff, Dey Young, Harald Leiper, Hans Georg Panczak, Herbert Fux, Ottfried Fischer, Ossy Kolmann, Ernst H. Hilbert Rating:

OCOG s comment:

German films are bad. It is generally known. But looking back at various clothes from the 70s and 80s, you have to admit but that has since been a marked improvement. For such as this cucumber Tender Heart Condition you turn nowadays not-or at least not as often.

The story is very thin. Because Pierre Brice (as himself) in a remake of Old Shatterhand, Winnetou performer Ricky (Thomas Gottschalk) does not fit, he throws him out unceremoniously, as well as the unsuccessful errand boy Edmund (Helmut Fischer) and the black specialists for explosions, Walker (Michael Winslow). Perplexed, the three there, but when they help the 80er-Jahre/Schönheit Rosi in a car break down, they fall in all three immortalized in it. After a splashy night at her home will prompt pregnant Rosi-only who is the father? Until they know that, do the three friends stick together and bring along money for the baby. This one is very creative. The fact that Thomas Gottschalk

was too good for anything, he has proven in several cinematic cucumbers. And playing He seems to always be yourself and even that still pretty bad. Michael Winslow, who is known as the noise-making in the Black Police Academy movies, has to Walker basically the same role again and the bargain an annoying Eddy Murphie synchronous voice. Only Helmut Fischer, one of the most iconic rather than Monaco Franze knows is charming as always and draws from the audience and the most honest laughs, as when he talks to Rosi's Yorkshire Terrier. The rest of the cast is not much weight when romping in the supporting roles and one or the other star. But where you have to say that Fischer Ottfried much better acting performances delivered as as tiger gran chef who is at war with Edmund.

exciting it is, of course, never. Even the jokes are usually completely unpredictable. When the camera zooms in comments already loose 80's style on a chair, it is clear that the break, once you get it or is that the vase, the bad is tricky in the picture, must be overturned. However, it creates Tender Heart Condition with lousy to decent sayings like "you might have an elongated rope?" sometimes even to entertain quite well, at least the fans of such banal clothes.

Where has roared with laughter as children we can grow today usually only shake his head. The Ideas, how to earn money, the three friends are, as expected strunz stupid. Whether as a backing track playing musicians, as agent for a breath tester or in a boat race, the brain can make as long safely in the refrigerator. And the absolutely absurd resolution at the very end, as it were, revealed, who has since Rosi pregnant now, so deppart so that one can imagine and certainly not a perfect end to any more.

And somehow maintains Tender Heart Condition yet. If you know how to appreciate quite abysmal German trash TV or Thomas Gottschalk's talent-free acting. So if a primitive German 80's television entertainment stands, is on the "romantic comedy" with the title depp species Tender Heart Condition , suggesting the already bad on trash, well advised. All others should be attempted but the fingers of this pickle!

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FILM:" The cop "

"The polyp - The Beast with death, poor" Alternative title: attack from the depths / tentacles of death title: Tentacoli Country: Italy, USA Year: 1977 Genre: Horror , Trash Director: Ovidio G. Assonitis Starring: John Huston, Shelley Winters, Bo Hopkins, Henry Fonda, Delia Boccardo, Cesare Da nova, Alan Boyd, Sherry Buchanan, Franco Diogene, Marc Fiorini, Helena Makela, Claude Akins Rating: Trash-Factor:

OCOG s comment:

Again botch such a monster in the wake of Jaws . And again so bad.

As a huge octopus off the coast of California for fear and terror (and the one or the other victims munched like a baby or a couple of divers provides), decides marine biologist Will Gleason (Bo Hopkins) to bring the natural enemies of the octopus to use-two trained orca that is.

The short-cut action promises to be a real trash fireworks. Unfortunately this is not but then Sun And that is certainly not because The polyp was a great movie Sun Quite the contrary.

So why such famous faces as John Huston, Shelly Winters and Henry Fonda in the grottig strip romp is more than questionable. Because the appearance of Hollywood stars can not shine the movie brilliant. A film like The Who Polyp look, puts his focus on something else anyway: The monster that is. And you get them once again not enough to see. The giant octopus is usually is nothing more than a small squid that have been filmed at his unexciting driving in the aquarium. Otherwise, it only consists of the usual rubber tentacles, that beat random order and take from time to time strunz stupid people.

The highlight of the monster'schen binge will then undoubtedly the Junior Regatta represent not only participate in the many children in small sailing boats, but also attracts countless spectators. Where to now might be a lurid and perhaps even a bit Splatter could expect exciting event, there is the absolute bloodless boredom. The director is the dreary, lackluster racing far too much running time that is neither exciting nor interesting to look more beautiful. Idiotic still images, stupid cuts between screaming kids in boats (scream really afraid of? So really likes to them the decline that is not), one of which capsized after another, and amused adults on the shore, noticed by all that only too late , will probably give rise atmosphere, but are only one-dead boring.

The script fails here (and in general) miserably. Our heroes enter the Coast Guard too late Decision and for several minutes silently grieving people catch not just the sympathy of the audience. can fat people in bathing suits you will not really see how stupid you do in the face of the monster, Gleason's wife Vicky shows quite vividly.

It is hoped therefore that the final-fight between the Octopus and killer whales better. From the standpoint of the fans saw it out the trash does. The whales must in fact do not need to be trained for the fight Gleason appeals easily to the instincts of animals, of course understand every word and immediately swim away, then in poor underwater shots either dolphins or stupid silhouettes against a little tentacle monster threatening to stink. So what strunz doofes you have not seen forming long (at least for the trash-lover) the culmination of The polyp .

Overall, The polyp but a terrible botch of extreme lengths of film. The trash comes in lean portions, served from yawning boredom and meaningless movie scenes. Since even the interested audience is disappointed. Sure no one has so much patience, just to be able fully to its costs. Really bad.

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FILM:" The Monster Shark "

"The Monster Shark" title: Rosso Shark Nell'Oceano Country: Italy, Frankfreich Year: 1984 Genre: Horror , Trash Director: Lamberto Bava Starring: Michael Sopkiw, Valentine Monnier , Gianni Garko, William Berger, Iris Peynado, Lawrence Morgant, Cinthia Stewart, Paul Branco, Dagmar Lassander Rating: Trash-Factor:

OCOG s comment:

The story is simple, that they already guessed, if you only hear the film title The monster shark . Monster munch people directly in the sea, it will eventually stop you.

Said Monster shark is not really a shark, but more of a head with a hungry mouth, which can go through a lot of imagination than a shark, which also still-as if not goofy enough already with blind lashing around latex tentacles comes up. As this monster that is leaving the first mutilated corpses that we as viewers get to see even once (with the Beast probably only nibbled a bit at the outer extremities), spread in the exotic Scenery quickly panic and terror. And if that was not enough, also drives a killer on the loose, what the film draws unnecessary as this plot has only marginal to do with the monster of the shark. The marine biologists Peter (Michael Sopkiw), Stella (Valentine Monnier), Bob (Lawrence Morgant) and Janet (Darla N. Warner) so go out to sea to go to get to the bottom and the side to do the monster, after is the mad scientist who is involved in the existence of the monster has learned that the monster shark unfortunately reproduce itself uncontrollably. And because the cattle can not hunt with explosive buoys in the air, you have to think of something else, can where it all together vigorously to help.

In The monster shark even the trash fan will put to the test. Of course, the film provides plenty of trash, but it is not enough. Is irrelevant to all the trappings. The monster you get hard to face, and when it arrived mostly to arbitrary order striking the tentacles, which for the seasoned fan Trash is just not enough. Further annoying the fact that the monster shark while constantly approached by boat from Peter & Co., at the last moment dived again, which 'takes the audience unnecessarily. The hollow dialogue, a completely inappropriate (if only implied) mating scene on the beach at sunset kitschy (Even if in the scene before and after it is daylight again) and the whole subplot about the abstruse combining police and his muscle-bound colleagues are just plain stupid.

The monster shark grows thus from a tough and lifted movies, this is just for trash-patient fans. Although the brief scenes where the monster is (or at least parts of it) gets to see are trashy fun, but unfortunately planted too thin. As one would have expected more after all.

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FILM:" Number 5 is alive! "

"Number 5 is alive!" title: Short Circuit Country: USA Year: 1986 Genre: comedy Director: John Badham Starring: Ally Sheedy, Steve Guttenberg, Fisher Stevens, Austin Pendleton, GW Bailey , Brian McNamara, Tim Blaney, Marvin J. McIntyre, John Garber, Penny Santon, Vernon Weddle, Barbara Tarbuck Rating:

OCOG s comment:

Sometimes you should let childhood memories as such, really rest. What is before twenty years was fun, it is no longer necessarily or at least only in part.

When a dangerous fighting machine designed robot number 5, after a lightning strike a life of its own to start, he fails, the military research center behind and ends up with Stephanie Speck (Ally Sheedy), turns him an alien holds and it takes up with him. Soon the scientists Crosby (Steve Guttenberg) are built by the number 5, and the military around Skroeder (GW Bailey) behind the living robots. been

In the eighties, this may still be an innovative idea, which then acts these days but something dusty, especially the plot is also fairly predictable. Although the tricks around the robot can still see, because at least his arm and head movements sometimes appear quite sophisticated, the cheap computer banter around it is more unintentionally funny. Of course there is more than ridiculous, a bag of bones of robots as indestructible fighting machine to declare for military operations. Here we slept well on a more child-friendly design and actually number 5 can also look very nice when he closes his eyes or speak with a friendly voice. Not least is similar to the design from the current animated robot Wall-E suspicious of the 5th number of

The slapstick humor lives in number 5! was time to children as the highest, and still the odd joke may be at least an amused smile magically on the lips of the audience, as when adjusted number five after his voice and nights of continuous television advertising and perfectly mimicking movie scenes.

hitch The main characters then it has more. Although Stephanie has a good heart and a house full of animals, but can be toxic to their synchronous voice and her hectic posturing quite annoying sometimes. Steve Guttenberg (you know him or by the Police Academy series), the nervous, unworldly scientists and the military is grumpy about Skroeder (GW Bailey, who is also from the Police Academy knows series) are brainless soldiers react stubbornly on command. Overall, the researchers find after menschelnden robot then far too exaggerated, if there is marvel at this same fire fights and explosions for a children's film because almost back too hard. lives

At number 5! has badly gnawed by the ravages of time. The film can still entertain but to some extent, but is now ripe for the audience no longer the ultimate dar. Nevertheless, at least in children these days can certainly still enjoy the funny robot.